8 Oct

It sure is hard for be to blog regularly.

Life is full.

especially when the girls need to head to the hospital.

I get jolted everytime.

My heart tears in 7 pieces.

Hoping all my bases are covered, rides, place to be etc.

So, that was this week,


lainee day 2 in china (march 2011) our feisty GuanZhenny

Lainee has had a huge transition in the last 6 months of being “home”

this is about as close as I was allowed to get, in China

She absolutely held her ground!

She did not want to recognize me as her mama.

She would hardly look at me

She never held my hand,

Never did I get to hold her

Unless we were in the pool

if we walked around the city streets, in China.

This was my view,

She hoped I’d just go away.

They both were just obsessed with my gigi.

It was too much!

God knew.

I honestly wasn’t worried.

I KNEW this was what God wanted for them, and for us.

I KNEW they were part of our family.

I KNEW little Long GuanZhenny would become my little Lainee Grace.

It was a promise deep down in my heart.

I used the opportunity in China to love on my older 4.

I would walk the streets, holding their hands, reminding them of my deep love for them,

it was GOOD.

It was OK.  I poured my self over scripture and remembered that

Any one who intends to come with me has to let me lead.  You are NOT in the driver’s seaat; I am. Don’t run from SUFFERING; embrace it.  Follow me and I’ll show you how  The message Matt. 16:24

I tried not to care that I was not needed, overlooked.

knowing that God uses all kinds of pain and grief to detach our hearts from the love of dreams and to reattach us to the love of HIM, Him alone.

She would need to attach to me, and in the waiting I was letting it go and reattaching myself to my LIFE SOURCE, my Lord.

she began giving me her back...it was a step.

This was the day 3 being home.  She would hardly let me put her down once our feet hit the ground in the US.

I carried her up stairs.

I held her like a toddler for weeks after being home.

She called my name 100s of times a day.

She was 6.5 and beginning her life with her mommy…as a 12 month old.

we got out all the baby toys and she played and played.

I rocked and rocked, bath and lotion and snuggles.

Hospital trips helped the bonding too.

Today, My lainee Grace is a very happy almost 7 year old  who lives with us….

as a 4 or 5 year old.

We’ve got some catching up to do.

these days, she's all about her mommy, and I'm all about her too


how i found her, "doin school"


I've seen a beautiful transformation over the months. She is truly a gift to me. I'm honored and humble that I'm for her, and she's for me.



One Response to “”

  1. nicole October 8, 2011 at 9:50 pm #

    tear again girl. you do it to me every time. chad and lindy came for lunch today. 12 kids at the table. good times. your name came up :-) their visit was extra sweet as we missed the reunion. let me know if u hit the mile high…

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: