4 Dec

Things are getting a little interesting around here.

Sometimes my new girls just don’t understand the unconditional love we have for them

sometimes it’s just very very hard.

we are messier, we don’t always look all put together,

we are parents to lots of children, three of them with broken little hearts because of abandonment

because of sin

it’s messy and hard,

sometimes.

this morning was one of those times

a melt down in the big van, on the way to church.

Everyone’s clothes were pressed, bows in black hair,

but one’s heart was crinkled

selfish,

messed up.

We pulled up to church

the van door flies open

people all around stop and stare because of the screaming coming from our van

Chris had to leave with one of the new girls still kicking and screaming in the back seat

while the rest crawled out and  walked into church,

I was trying to drag a crying sister, loyal to the end into the church

into the bathroom

Praying

I was praying for Chris and kicking girl still in the van,

I was trying desperately to get loyal crier into the church and I also had one eye on all the people that were looking

at me.

(I want both eyes on Christ.  I really do.)

After calming her down in the bathroom, bringing her to her class I cried,

I just cried as I walked.

Wondering what was happening with Chris.

Wondering what the other 5 children were thinking

Wondering why it has been a terrible few weeks

I said in my head and heart and whole being, “I AM NOT MADE FOR THIS!!!”

Chris ended up coming back home, to a place he felt she was familiar with, to the chair, to talk, hug and calm down.

It gets ugly at times.  It just does.

They made it back to church even before the actual sermon started.

We sat in the back, gripping each other’s hands, starving for a word from God.

I was feeling the COST.

The cost of adoption, the cost of moving out of my comfort-zone and following God to that hard place.

the cost of choosing a path that is not easy

Yet, feeling at the same time abundant life, purpose, dare I say it…pleasure.

I was challenged by our pastor,

“Focus on God, not on self.  Remember Him.  God is in Charge of this.  Remember who He is and What He has said.  ”

Then he said something that broke through to my very raw and hungry heart.

“In this life  and in your call remember:

YOU WERE MADE FOR GOD< NOT FOR THIS!”

Amen?

God has spoken in response to my “I’m not made for this” remark

He reminded me this morning. “No, you are right, Child, you are NOT made for this, you were made for me.”

He knows,

He cares and He is

so Trustworthy.

When you step out, up in the calling and passion God has given you.

Satan will try to tear you down.

I’ve experienced this these last weeks,

since our decision to adopt youngman Luke and since the start up again of the adoption Sunday school class and meeting regularly with couples considering adoption.

My faithful friend reminded me of this today, as she saw my tears and knows my heart.

I left the service and headed to the Adoption class and she sent me off with words I will now send you off with,

“Stand Firm My Friend”.

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7 Responses to “”

  1. jamesfamily7 December 4, 2011 at 8:57 pm #

    It was great to see you tonight. Always praying for you all! Satan does not like what you and Chris are doing for God – this is a cosmic battle going on. Adoption – the very picture of God redeeming his people for his own- is hated by The Destroyer of all that is right and good. Keep pressing on.

  2. sasha December 5, 2011 at 5:25 am #

    You are doing an amazing Job Laura!!
    I saw you pull up at church…. and didn’t notice the craziness!
    I just thought about how thankful I was that you have a BIG van and a
    BIG family. :)
    You are a light when you don’t know it!
    Thankful for you!

  3. Kippi Nelson December 5, 2011 at 5:42 am #

    Oh Laura, you have expressed so clearly what I have been feeling these days. I needed those words. Thank you for sharing them.

  4. Danae December 5, 2011 at 11:54 am #

    Laura-
    You said words that I needed to hear and shared feelings that I have had. Thank you for sharing and most of all, thank you for the reminder that we are made for Him.
    I needed that this morning.

  5. jamesfamily7 December 6, 2011 at 11:24 am #

    I thought of you when I read this blog entry. Lisa Q. blogs for Empowered to Connect so you might have already read this today:

    http://www.onethankfulmom.com/attachment-and-trauma/my-learning-curve-never-give-in-never-give-in/

  6. Deb Steiner December 6, 2011 at 3:55 pm #

    I know the hard. You’re doing great with the hard.
    Pleasure to meet you, sister in Christ!

  7. Susan D. December 6, 2011 at 7:52 pm #

    Hi there! I found your blog through Sasha. We adopted our daughter 2 years ago from Mekele; where she lived at the orphanage with your Luke. I have been praying for 2 years now for all of our daughter’s friends to be adopted. I was so excited when Sasha told me about your adoption plans. I have some pics of Luke from when we were there in Feb. 2010, I’d be happy to share those with you.

    Regarding your post – boy have I been in your shoes. While we have come a loooonng way since bringing home our daughter, we still have some instances like what you described. I do love the Empowered to Connect resources and also Heart of the Matter seminars. As you know, adoptive parenting (particularly older child adoption) is not for the faint of heart but praise God we don’t have to go at it alone. HE is right there with you every step of the way. Thank you for sharing.

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