9 Apr

Happy Easter from all the Jones family

the children before church easter morning

What a beating we all took Easter morning. (don’t they all look so perfect? HA)

Zinnia sometimes has a very hard time regulating her emotions, or even understanding them, and how to react appropriately.  She’s really been doing better but, not the last 2 weeks.  It’s been hard.

I can’t go into the details.

We left for church broken, tired, fragile, weak and in need of a Savior.  In need of a new beginning.

This was the first time that I had a hard time forgiving Zinnia when she later came to find me and apologize.  I was hurt, confused and tired.  I felt cold toward her.

I had to fake a forgiving hug and kiss on her cheek, and unconditionally loving smile that inside was feeling oh so conditional.

But  moments later I felt like God told me to do more.

This is what I did~She beamed and I smiled.

I felt kicked in the stomach and bitterness was knocking at the door of my heart.  It felt so justified.  MY Easter morning for MY family, ruined because of YOU.

I texted a friend for prayer,

And I chose to believe that God has us in His will, right where he wants us to be, that He allowed this rocky morning, that He would take care of those children that had to watch all the ugliness.  TRUST.

Press on and head to church.

LOW

Like He wants me to be.

I died again that morning to myself.  Repented.  Renewed faith in my Creator.

Walking out of church I knew I had new life in Him.  That my Life is His.

He alone has the the power to bring your life back.

He alone can defeat death.

The day went on beautifully with family, food, egg hunt with cousins.

a BEAUTIFUL day, with beautiful trees and flowers, and here are the adorable children, in front of the garage!

thank you God for in town family!!!!

And I’m remembering again.  “Hard is good!”

We are all broken, really and we all need Jesus!

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6 Responses to “”

  1. Sonia April 9, 2012 at 4:15 pm #

    Bless your heart sweet friend! I find it so incredibly interesting as I read your posts….and then often cry over your posts…..how incredibly similiar our experiences are. 4 kids from the same orphanage, all with incredibly similiar behaviors. Especially in light of Joshua’s adoption where I see none of Jacob and Joey’s reactions to things. It’s a completely different experience. I guess I don’t have a point to all of that other than to say thank you. Thank you for always being so open and honest. You.are.not.alone.

  2. kjomo April 9, 2012 at 8:16 pm #

    Dear Laura ~ You are an “old shoe” person. That’s a compliment, by the way! Old shoe, as in you are so easy to know (you speak the Truth), you are comfortable, you don’t rub the wrong way. I can just feel at ease with you. You know? The favorite shoes that you wear and wear and just love. That can’t be replaced by any other shoes? Well, that’s you, sweet friend! I love your ability to put your thoughts and feelings on “paper”. I just love Who?What He made you!
    This post…the photos. Your “new girls” looked sad. How I wish they had been yours since they were tiny babies. We can only guess and assume (other than what you know for sure), what they had to deal with in their old lives. But, they are healing! And, they will continue to heal and grow in the love of your family. I know that, because I pray for that and I know you do. And, where two or more are in Agreement…they will continue to heal.
    Laura, I know this will sound silly, but I cannot tell L&Z apart! They look so much alike. Mimi has her own distinct Mimi look. Perhaps it’s the missing teeth and then new teeth coming in over this past year. Can you point out something specific about Lainey and Zinnia, so I can know which is which? Is Lainey in the pink top? I feel so silly, but I’m being real.
    Lots of prayers going up for your entire family. And, lots of love, as well. ~ Jo

  3. KT April 10, 2012 at 2:13 am #

    Good job, mom! I think our blog posts are running a bit parallel just now. It seems like our girls are really in the same place. I’m so sorry that your girls came from such a hard SWI, though. Their poor little spirits have taken such a beating in life. We all fall sometimes. You did a great job of picking yourself up and dusting off!

  4. jean Mulvahill April 10, 2012 at 10:01 pm #

    LOVE you heart and LOVE your honesty!

    You have a way with words- I wish I had that gift. Sometimes I try not to feel or identify what you have spoken of… but I feel it. I have and I often do. You are exactly right… I hang onto it and struggle with forgiving…

    The night before was… sad to say, similar to your morning…

    I love your pics! love the triplets! and the extended family photos!

    The Lord salvaged you Easter- praise God!

  5. Jenny Grimm April 11, 2012 at 12:00 pm #

    Laura, I hadn’t been able to read your blog for awhile. But, I’m glad I did, when I did. It was an almost exact account of the way I felt about a meltdown Annie, had about 10 days ago. (very close to the anniversay of her first day home in the US). I’ve heard many say their children even those adopted at a much younger age have and almost annual struggle around the time they were adopted. Annie, has recently been putting words to some of the many feelings she has experienced, telling us more about the foster mama and saying she has had dreams about her. I so many times wish I could understand how she understands and processes things in her mind. Sometimes it seems very normal other times I can’t understand where she is coming from. I appreciate so much your posts and your vulnerability it helps to know from other replies too that many of the children have similar experinces, though I wish I knew “why”. We have seen much change in Annie, in the year she has been home and I often have to go back to remembering how far she’s come!

  6. Sherri April 12, 2012 at 3:42 pm #

    Oh wow. This sounds crazy but I am taking so much courage from other people’s struggles these days. This adoption- mama- road is a little bit lonely to walk some days. Thank you for sharing. I’m so blessed that you are seeing past the actions to their hearts. Hang in there…God has wonderful things in store for your little girls!!

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